I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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