the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
