Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
