did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize