Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
