guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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