Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
