I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
