Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my liver is dry heaving
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
