where am i from again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
