Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
