Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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