Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
