he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
