My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
