well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
