hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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