it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
