she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't deserve a penis
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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