When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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