Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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