Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
