Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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