I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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