you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
