Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
