how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
