I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
