i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
