i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
