his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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