problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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