Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
