you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
