Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
