Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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