I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize