This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
