I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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