I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
