Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
