Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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