i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
