make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
