I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
