2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
