i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
