Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
