I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
