we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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