mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
