It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
