She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
