you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
