I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
