What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
