What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
