Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
