The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
