yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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