he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
