My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
