the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
