Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
