Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize