I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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