Umm I'm too high to move.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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