get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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