the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize