i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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