Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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